Shut it, Trebek.

Alex Trebek is a 71-year-old Canadian who has hosted Jeopardy! since 1984.  This concludes the factual niceties of this post.

First, let's be clear.  I love Jeopardy!.  It's one of my favorite shows on television.  I've been watching it for years.  I love the tournament of champions, the word-play categories and even Watson, the super-computer robot that IBM created to destroy Ken Jennings.  I also, along with every other educated American enjoy the teen, college and teacher tournaments the most, because, well, they're just easier.

I'm decently sure that even though my grandmother knew I did well in school the only reason she ever thought I was smart was because I used to crush her in Jeopardy!.  Well, that and the fact that I wear glasses.

That being said, there are some things about the show that cause me physical pain.  It should surprise no one, though, that a show audacious enough to include an exclamation point in its title occasionally gives me the urge to drown kittens.  There are two reoccurring happenings within this timeless game show that crush my soul more than most:

1.) Trebek's over-the-top pronunciations of all words and names of foreign origin.  We get it Alex, you're cultured.  Just read the damn answers.

2.) The entire portion of the show where Trebek briefly interviews the three contestants.

I maintain that these mini-interviews are the worst five minutes of television programming available to American consumers.

It's tragic mostly because the interviews normally involve three contestants who are strangers to being on camera.  I don't even blame them for these atrocities.  The blame for these nauseating interviews falls squarely on the Canadian shoulders of Alex Trebek.

Instead of smoothly setting up the contestant to tell a dumb story about their boring lives, Trebek routinely tries to make the interaction more comical by either adding to it or stealing the punchline of the contestant's anecdote.  It's a balancing act with Trebek.  He knows he has to be quick with each contestant, but he also has a seemingly insatiable need to steal what little spotlight the contestant might have in his or her moment.

It's like a train wreck only worse.  A train wreck is intriguing in its tragedy that's hard to turn away from.  These interviews, however, are a vomit-inducing tragedy that almost require a witness to turn away or, at the very least, change the channel.

Forced encounters are unbearable.  Forced encounters on television between strangers facilitated by a Canadian lacking any form of self-awareness are utterly insufferable.