Editor's Note: This is the second of two posts about the Masters that ran today. In the previous post, Eric used some of his magic hate juice on the greatest golf tournament in the world. My attempt to clean up his mess is below.
Eric and myself agree on a lot of things, apparently our feelings on the Masters is not one of them. In my defense, it’s hard to agree with someone who is wrong. Being the good friend I am though, rather than privately guide him to see the light, I will publicly embarrass him by rebutting to his libel-filled, erroneous post that attempts to disparage The Masters.
Eric is right about one thing. The Masters does take itself seriously. But it should; it is after all the greatest golf tournament on the planet. If you want to make jokes, go watch tapes of me playing golf or look up Phil Mickelson’s cup size on the internet. The Masters is put on a pedestal because it’s earned that right. Eric’s attempt to knock it off with reckless commentary will not be allowed to stand. I am here to defend the tradition unlike any other (although I kind of feel like Thanksgiving turkey should have called dibs on this slogan first).
The Masters is the only major held at a recurring site year after year. There is a reason for this. Augusta is the mecca of the golf world. A perfect course layout. Defining holes. Daunting shots. Azaleas that add a plush of color to a perfect landscape. If Monet painted golf courses, he would have painted Augusta. It’s pristine, pure and beautiful.
“I don’t want to belong to any club that will have me as a member.” Augusta National won’t have me as a member and they sure as hell won’t have you. Only 300 invite-only members have that privilege. The club is made up of Elitists and they make no apologies for it. Nor should they. They are better than you and they know it.
This all adds to the aura that makes Augusta National and thus the Masters the greatest tournament in the world. Augusta won’t let women in. Sponsors are constantly turned away. Augusta doesn’t want the money nor do they need it. They simply don’t give a fuck. And while I’m not saying it’s right to discriminate against women, it’s refreshing in this “self-righteous treat everyone equal world” to see someone stand their ground and not give in to the small vocal minority. People aren’t all equal and neither are golf courses. This is just a fact.
You want to talk about America? Augusta makes its own rules, does what it wants and its better than everyone else. Nothing is more American than that.
Augusta’s power and influence is also better for you, the viewer. Because Augusta dictates everything about the Masters you only have to watch four minutes of commercials per hour. How can less commercials be a bad thing? Answer: it can’t.
Eric’s contention about the “Green Jacket” is blasphemy. Since when does being different automatically make it wrong? Let’s hand out another boring trophy. Genius idea! The green jacket is another unique quality that makes the Masters the pinnacle of majors.
Finally hating on Jim Nantz crossed the line. Jim Nantz and the Masters are perfect for each other. Every time he says “hello friends” at Augusta I feel like he means it. His cliché, calm and sappy style was crafted for the Masters and adds a crowning touch to the tournament. I don’t like Jim Nantz announcing my Super Bowls, but he can talk to me about Augusta as much as he wants.
If you are still having doubts on whether the Masters is the greatest golf tournament in the world just watch this video. “Oh My Goodness” the Masters is awesome.
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